Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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