Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
