I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
