i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
