I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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