Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
