The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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