Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
