I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
