You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
