Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dick very happy bro
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