This is not my ceiling
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
