I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
