I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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