Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Panties = found
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
