how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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