never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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