oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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