one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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