I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
