4 words: hood of his car
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
