Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
