What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
