elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize