They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
