i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you win again, gameday.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize