if you like me you must not know who I am
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
