I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
