I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
