would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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