Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
