From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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