When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
