im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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