My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
