Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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