I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
