i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
