She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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