If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
