She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
