I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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