i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is my gift to your gina
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize