I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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