O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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