You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
