I smell stomach acid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
