it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
