just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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