one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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