She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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