the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
wow bdsm is so cute
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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