Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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