girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize