Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
so much tequila, so little girl.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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