dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
