I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
