On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
