He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize