my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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