I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
