omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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