"it" just moved
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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