I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
