either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
