Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
