Soap is not a condiment
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
