Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
soo... how was my night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
