I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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