I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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