Sponge bath it is.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
