Quick, to the slutcave!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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