I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
