The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize