Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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