I smell stomach acid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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