arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
