I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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